News of the World in the Middle Kingdom

I feel guilty saying this, but Chinese news broadcasts are hilarious.  I mean one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life.  There is a certain formula to the broadcast that gives the news a sense of consistency, making it less like the news and more like watching the same episode of a sitcom over and over.  Every broadcast features these important “stories”

Japan – Every Chinese news broadcast must feature at least a half an hour of coverage about the rise of the Japanese war machine, and its attempts to prevent the Middle Kingdom from protecting its islands in the South China Sea.  All stories about Japan directly relate back to this central theme.  Some in the west call Japan “the Tiger without Teeth”, but no one will ever accuse CCTV of such a thing.   

Three Magic Words – “Reform”, “Leaders”, and “Development” are the three most used words in any Chinese news broadcast.  So much so, that my roommates have created a drinking game around these three magic words.  The Holy Grail of Chinese journalism is finding a way to work all three words into one sentence.  It usually happens about once a week.  The Chinese media have sort of twisted the definitions of the words to make them broader.

·       Reform – Making any changes to any system.  Used to imply that the changes are for their benefit of the people and an all-around good thing.

·       Leaders – Any Party member.

·       Development – Building anything, anywhere, at any time.

Chinese Aircraft Carrier – News broadcasts love to feature footage of the PLA Navy’s aircraft carrier.  However, they always fail to mention that the carrier will not be battle ready for quite some time.  They will pretty much find any reason to show it.  Often, it appears during the Japanese segment.  Make sure not to get it confused with the footage of Japan’s aircraft carrier. 

The formulaic nature of Chinese news has helped me understand Chinese society a little bit better.  So the next time you need help understanding the Middle Kingdom, tune into CCTV and watch a female reporter with short, cropped hair give you the same news she did yesterday.  It might not be the best source of news, but I promise it will make you smile.