THE LAOWAI TIMES: Happy Ending at the Massage Parlor (not like that)

Overworked like this guy?
Get a massage

I woke up a few mornings ago with some back pain. Eighteen hours on a plane will do that to you though. Tang Qi recommended I go to a Chinese massage parlor, but I had some serious reservations. I didn't see how it would help. Or more accurately I couldn't see through my cultural perceptions how it would help. Chinese massage parlors conjure mental images of giggling Chinese, female masseuses and shadiness. She convinced me to go, and I must admit that my trip to the massage parlor helped. I dragged her with me just in case I came home one kidney lighter. That way I'd at least have a witness.

Tang Qi on the way out of the place

The building was exactly like what I imagined. It sported a very "Soviet" feel, including two tone walls with peeling paint. The waiting room of course had the diagrams of the human foot that every massage parlor has smattering the walls. Some out of date magazines sat on the table in the waiting room, including a copy of Yacht magazine (yes it's a real thing in China). I enjoyed flipping through it, and the next time I take my yacht to Xiamen, I'll now know where to park it.

Tang Qi dodging the photo

The massage room was open, so there was no need to disrobe. I remained full clothed, and because of a lack of opening, Tang Qi sat on a chair next to my massage bed. I credit her vigilance with the fact I still have both kidneys. At least I think I have both kidneys. Two other patrons lay on their stomachs in the middle of their massages. The masseuse pulled a dingy towel off a rack. The rack looked like a medium sized Coca-Cola refrigerator you might find at a 7-11. About halfway through my massage one of the other patrons began to snore, loudly. A good deal of snicking laughter occurred.

The masseuse working
his magic

Look at that concentration

I got to enjoy about an hour in the chair for the low, low price of just 40 yuan. I also left feeling much better. My back felt better, and I felt like I could cross an important milestone off my Beijing bucket list.

Extra: Checkout this photo of Beijing during SMOGOCALYPSE 2015. Yesterday the pollution literally went of the scale. It issued a yellow alert from the government. That's right, just a yellow alert for this. Sounds like a joke, but it isn't that red dot is the sun at about 3pm.