Happy Ending at the Massage Parlor (not like that)

Overworked like this guy?
Get a massage

I woke up a few mornings ago with some back pain.  Eighteen hours on a plane will do that to you though.  Tang Qi recommended I go to a Chinese massage parlor, but I had some serious reservations.  I didn't see how it would help.  Or more accurately I couldn't see through my cultural perceptions  how it would help.  Chinese massage parlors conjure mental images of giggling Chinese, female masseuses and shadiness.  She convinced me to go, and I must admit that my trip to the massage parlor helped.  I dragged her with me just in case I came home one kidney lighter.  That way I'd at least have a witness.

Tang Qi on the way out of the place

The building was exactly like what I imagined.  It sported a very "Soviet" feel, including two tone walls with peeling paint.  The waiting room of course had the diagrams of the human foot that every massage parlor has smattering the walls.  Some out of date magazines sat on the table in the waiting room, including a copy of Yacht magazine (yes it's a real thing in China).  I enjoyed flipping through it, and the next time I take my yacht to Xiamen, I'll now know where to park it.

Tang Qi dodging the photo

The massage room was open, so there was no need to disrobe.  I remained full clothed, and because of a lack of opening, Tang Qi sat on a chair next to my massage bed.  I credit her vigilance with the fact I still have both kidneys.  At least I think I have both kidneys.  Two other patrons lay on their stomachs in the middle of their massages.  The masseuse pulled a dingy towel off a rack.  The rack looked like a medium sized Coca-Cola refrigerator you might find at a 7-11.  About halfway through my massage one of the other patrons began to snore, loudly.  A good deal of snicking laughter occurred.    

The masseuse working
his magic

Look at that concentration

I got to enjoy about an hour in the chair for the low, low price of just 40 yuan.  I also left feeling much better.  My back felt better, and I felt like I could cross an important milestone off my Beijing bucket list.  

Extra:  Checkout this photo of Beijing during SMOGOCALYPSE 2015.  Yesterday the pollution literally went of the scale.  It issued a yellow alert from the government.  That's right, just a yellow alert for this.  Sounds like a joke, but it isn't that red dot is the sun at about 3pm.

SMOGOCALYPSE

Indiana by comparison

Tang Qi and I visited one of Beijing's ever increasing craft breweries for food and drinks

The Paper Chase: Searching for an Elusive Book and the Time to Read It

I've experienced a few false starts reading-wise lately.  Starting books but not finishing them.  It happened with the overhyped Run, Rabbit and continued with the longwinded Shogun.  Since these setbacks I've read some really great titles, including two Agatha Christie novels.  One great, the other good.  I also read a throwaway space thriller from the 1980's too.  Long story short, the future of the 80's runs on speak-and-spell computers and Japanese industry.  Back in the U.S.A. I attempted to read a book that has eluded me for four years.  The kind of book that sits on the shelf collecting dust, just waiting for you to crack its spine and begin reading.  We have a history this book and I.  One that goes all the way back to a longtime ago in a galaxy far, far away.

I first picked of a copy of Star Wars: The Last Command from a bookstore cellar on the Charing Cross Road in central London back in 2012.  I knew even then that it was the third book in the series, because of my abortive attempt to read the first book in high school.  I bought the copy of the book regardless, and it sat on the shelf in the tiny closet sized room that I called home on Stamford Street.  There it sat on my bookshelf for the next six months, while I scoured London's secondhand bookshops looking for the first two books in the series.  Again, long story short, I failed.  The copy of the book came back to Indiana with me.

In Indiana I was able to checkout a copy of the first book from the local library.  Though I am not much for the Star Trek and Star Wars tie-in books, the novel was fantastic.  After moving to China I tried listening to audiobook of the second book in the series.  I didn't get much out of the experience, missing most of the plot and several key events.  However, finding a copy of the second book in the country proved next to impossible.  Finally I secured a copy of the second book thanks to Amazon and a visit from my Mom.  I am now very glad I secured a girlfriend before admitting this.  I doubt publicly admitting that you used your mother as a mule to transport Star Wars novels across continents would earn you many points with the ladies, but I digress.  She brought the book over and I read it in less than three days.  It was great.

Finally it was time to breakout that globetrotting copy of  Star Wars: The Last Command and read it after nearly four years gathering dust on my bookshelf.  Upon returning home, I realized that I'd donated the book to charity during my visit to the United States last March and forgotten about it.  Ever resourceful, I checked out a copy from the local library.  However I had already created an obstacle for myself.  Hoping to be able to take the book back to China with me, Agatha Christie's Murder At The Vicarage was already ahead of it in my reading queue.  I only got 25 pages through SWTLC after I failed miserably at solving the murder in one of Ms. Christie's more mediocre tales.  In my panic I bought a copy of SWTLC on Amazon when it became clear I couldn't finish it before leaving, but in keeping with the past, it didn't show up until after I'd already departed for China.

Now I am back to square one.  So if anyone in China knows where to get a copy of this 1994 Timothy Zahn classic, shoot me a We Chat.       

Tourist in Your Own Country

Roughing it seaside

Someone smart once said that you should never become a tour guide in your hometown.  Truer words were never spoken.  The tired, old places and things that have long sensed blended into the background of memory might make wonderful and exciting sights for a first time visitor.  By that logic, I probably wasn't the best tour guide for my girlfriend's first trip to the United States.  I made sure to mitigate her expectations before the trip.  She watches a lot of American TV shows, and I felt the need to prepare her for visiting the midwest.  She seemed disappointed when we had "the talk" about a week before we left for America.  Basically I told her Rachel and Ross lived in New York, which is tall, and we were going to Indiana which is very spread out.  I also made sure to stress the fact that unlike the entire cast of Friends, not all Americans are white and look alike (sometimes I get Ross and Joey and Phoebe and Rachel confused).  

Please don't feed the birds

At Naval Air Museum 

Classic jumping photo

The trip went well for a few reasons.  Most women like to shop.  It's sexist but true, and Indiana has some great outlet malls.  I owe my aunt a debt of gratitude for taking Tang Qi to the outlet mall so I didn't have to do it.  Tang Qi enjoyed meeting my family and learning the local dialect of English.  This was great for me.  It lessoned the financial burden on my wallet, and we didn't need to make expensive excursions to New York or Chicago.  However, I did reach a point during my family vacation to Florida when I priced airfare for an early return to China.  This feeling eventually lessened though never really passed, but Tang Qi had so much fun that I couldn't really have left even if I wanted to.  Our two day trip to visit New Orleans let us spend some time with the laid back part of the family and greatly reduced my stress levels.                

Everyone thinks they're a DJ

At Deanie's 

Pacer's Game

Classic Rosie

Another great tourist attraction was of course the food.  Despite my failed attempts at hyping American-Chinese food, she seemed to really like American food.  It was nice to finally lay the myth of homogenous American cuisine to bed.  While living in China, I have been constantly bombarded with Chinese culinary propaganda about the diversity of the food here.  Really it's about half true, but it's made me realize just how diverse the food in the United States is compared to other countries.  Tang Qi had a great time exploring the restaurants.  Her favorite was the oyster bar, imaginatively named Oyster Bar, we ate at in Pensacola, FL.  

Classic couple photo

French Quarter Highlight

Where are all the people?

America made for a great vacation destination, letting Tang Qi meet my family, explore somewhere new, and enjoy a slower pace of life.  I got my "freedom fix" by reading news that wasn't government propaganda, and I enjoyed the "American Renaissance" that I've missed out on while living in China.  Catching up with old friends was a great end to my trip to America.  Though my liver didn't really like the affordability of American bars.  

Getting on the right track

I always tell others that it's the people in a place that actually make it worth visiting.  The Grand Canyon is just a hole in the ground, the really interesting part is the Native Americans and others who call the area home.  New Orleans would just be a swamp below sea level if it didn't have the amazing Creole, French, Spanish, African, Cajun, and American culture that make it such a unique and vibrant melting pot.  And Indiana would just be a bunch of emptiness without the people who call it home.

     

     

Quitters Sometimes Win

The real never ending story

We all know the tired convention of quitters never win, winners never quit.  If you haven't figured it out for yourself yet, this phrase isn't always true.  For example I spent years hacking it out in little league, not having fun and being an all around terrible baseball player.  Finally after enough arguing and rebelling, my parents let me quit a sport that I didn't like to play and had no nature talent for.  The end result 15 years later is that baseball is my favorite sport mainly due to the lack of resentment I have for it.  By quitting 15 years ago, I was able to win in the long run and enjoy a lifelong hobby.  I was never going to play in the pros, but I am now an armchair enthusiast.  Stay tuned for a blog about this year's offseason by the way.  

After my baseball career ended (Thank God), I continued my indentured servitude playing other sports that I didn't enjoy.  My lack of enjoyment for these activities stemmed from other factors besides a dislike of the sport.  In fact I will publicly announce that I liked the sports, but people older than me always found a way to suck the fun out of them.  Mainly it was overbearing parents channelling their broken dreams into the athletic endeavors of their children.  Going to a youth sporting event remains a bittersweet affair for me to this day, watching a handful of "baseball dads" pervert something that should be fun for their children into their own accomplishment.  I am glad I am not a father, its the toughest job out there, and the retirement package is certainly not guaranteed.  Usually every youth sports team has at least two overbearing parents ruining the fun for the kids and the other parents.       

I recently encountered another fine example of the quitters never win paradox in my personal life.  The novel Shogun followed me to China from my grandpa's bookshelf back in Indiana.  My old roommate and good friend here in Beijing had recommended Tai-Pan to me, another novel by James Cavell, and I thought Shogun would be a great chance to get aquatinted with the author and learn about Japan before my trip there in October.  The novel certainly comes with high acclaim.  It also came with over 1200 pages, but I had no fear about finishing the book.  I had read other massive novels before, and with such an interesting subject I didn't think anything of cracking open this tome about feudal Japan.

Three months and one trip to Japan later I formally take this opportunity to formally announce I am quitting my quest to finish the book.  I made it through 750 pages, and I simply cannot go any further.  My trip to Tokyo in early October did nothing to spur my interest in the book.  I stopped reading it after getting back from Tokyo.  During that month and a half intermission, I managed to read four books, very good books at that.  Yesterday I picked Shogun up again, but I knew I couldn't go any further.  And why should I?  Why should I waste hours reading a huge book I don't really like or find interesting?  Why should I keep reading this when I could read other books that I actually find engaging?  So in the end, I had to quit in order to win.

The Shogun miniseries 

Oh well,  I can always watch the miniseries.    

Tomb Sweeping in Tangshan

I accompanied my girlfriend back to her hometown over the weekend, participating in the ancient Chinese tradition of "tomb sweeping".  While the actual holiday, "tomb sweeping day", is in April, we went to Tangshan for the anniversary of her grandmother's passing.  First a little background on the practice of tomb sweeping.  The main point is to honor your deceased relatives by giving them gifts for the afterlife and caring for their grave.  Part of the practice is literally sweeping the headstone of your relative, hence the name "tomb sweeping day".  Paper money, and occasionally clothes, are burned for relatives to receive in the afterlife.  This practice was very puzzling for me last year when I noticed a bunch of people burning stuff in the streets of Beijing.  No one told me about the practice, and I literally thought people were burning trash (Beijing's garbage collection services aren't so good).  Now I know better.

We traveled to the cemetery early in the morning.  Along the road to the cemetery venders sold various fake flower arrangements and the paper money (not really money).  Inside the cemetery were countless rows of graves buried military style.  The cemetery looks like an ancient Chinese palace and contrasts strikingly with the modern high-rises and factories of Tangshan.  Tangshan is sort of like the Pittsburgh of China and is home to the headquarters of the state steel company.  We walked to Tang Qi's grandmother's tomb and swept the headstone and did some bowing.  Afterwards, we filed through the cemetery to a row of ovens.  Each oven was represented by a animal of the Chinese zodiac.  A fire was promptly lit, and we began burning various forms of fake paper money to honor the deceased.  

The whole experience is eerily similar to western burial practices.  It sort of makes you realize there's a common sense aspect to honoring and burial of the deceased.  Obviously no photos were taken.              

Beijing Mushroom Vents

Vent poking out from a meridian

Beijing has gained a deserved notoriety for its unusual architecture.  So much so that President Xi Jinping made a statement a few weeks ago saying, "No more weird architecture."  That's right, the city that gave us the lovable pair of boxer shorts (CCTV Building) probably won't enjoy its title as the unusual architecture capital of the world for long, but its one to the few things we have going for us that isn't overtly humiliating.  Beijing boasts a long history of strange architecture dating back 1000's of years.  Some architectural feats are just more conspicuous than others. Longtime Beijingers might recognize one of the city's less prominent and more unique features dotted around the center of the city.  Beijing's Mushroom vents can be seen popping up in places from Dongzhimen to Fuxingmen.  The vents are usually green or red and often vent some sort of steam.  Initially I was unaware of the capital's fungus problem, but once you see one of the toadstools you start seeing them everywhere.  Most people rushing about their day don't seem to notice the Mario Bros.-esque toadstools, but I felt the need to share them with the outside world.  I have no clue what they are for, but if I had to guess I'd say they're vents for the Beijing Subway's Line 1 and 2.  Most are about the size of a grown man in height and wide at the top (like most mushrooms).  No one really seems to know much about them, and my extensive research (Googling the problem until it goes away) didn't turn up anything.  They seemed to be pretty old.  Some of the ones of Changan Avenue are discretely hidden behind metal casings, but its easy to still see the intact mushrooms underneath.  I hear that if you eat one you'll grow to twice your normal size.    

A mushroom from the 16th floor of a building

A mushroom chilling late at night

  

APEC: Air Pollution Eventually Controlled

As the temperature continues to drop outdoors APEC fever has descended on Beijing, and the capital is enjoying some unwanted attention from foreign media sources.  Yes folks, all the old "whipping boys" are making their appearance in the western media from poor air to China's infamous social decay.  In an effort to combat it's less than stellar image abroad, the Chinese government has stepped up "face saving messures", and it's the citizens of Beijing who are benefitting most.  Some great APEC related externalities are making the lives of Beijingers easier.  This phenomenon was highlighted in a recent article in the South China Morning Post where the paper referred to us a "long-suffering".  While I wouldn't go that far, it is nice to finally see somethings work right.....or some people work (at their jobs) for that matter.    

VACATION - APEC isn't just a meeting of important word leaders.  To millions of Beijingers it is a bona fide holiday.  Non-essential government personnel and students all getting the week off for the event.  However, the resulting babysitter shortage is really putting a crunch on working class Beijingers.  I am taking the opportunity to write a few blogs and read now that baseball season is over.  It also might be fun to watch the political chess game unfold at the conference, considering I have a ringside seat to the event.  I am very curious to see what Chinese state media has to say about the Taiwanese delegation (if anything), considering the comments of the nation's president regarding the Hong Kong democracy protests.          

AIR QUALITY - The title of this post comes from a joke circulating on the Chinese communication app, We Chat.  Think the Chinese carbon copy of What's App.  Beijingers awoke yesterday to the first blue-sky day in a long time.  I am taking the opportunity to breath as much moderately clean air as possible before the smog returns.....which will likely be in ten minutes.  The clean air initiatives have been so successful that there are already calls for holding a BPEC, and if need be, a CPEC.

CROWDING - Those stories you hear about homeless people in Beijing disappearing before the 2008 Olympics are probably true considering the evaporation of the city's street people in recent weeks.  They are cleaning up everything here, including people.  There are so few people in Beijing right now that I actually go to sit down on the subway for 10 whole minutes yesterday.....which leads me to my next point.  

SUBWAY SECURITY - Travelers to the "Big B" are usually shocked when they learn you must go through airport-style security every time you enter the city's expansive and terribly inefficient subway system (now the world's longest).  My loyal reader (that's correct...reader) will know that I have no love for Beijing's subway as explored in the post Trainspotting.  It should come as little surprise that security has increased for the event.  However, the situation isn't all bad.  The security screening staff are now actually doing their jobs.  It's sort of like the equivalent of going to 7-11 everyday and the woman behind the counter makes you checkout your own items and make your own change.  Then one day you come in and suddenly they actually do it for you.  Crazy idea right.   Trays have appeared at most of the subway screening machines, meaning I no longer have to place my items on the disgusting conveyer belt.  I also witnessed a security person check the x-ray screen when my bag was going through the machine.    

Yeah times are good here in Beijing thanks to APEC.  It's up to the livability of Chernobyl outside the immediate fallout zone.  So anyone contemplating a visit to the capital should certain consider visiting during BPEC.  I'll keep you posted on the upcoming dates.